Losing Time

Hi, it is nearing the end of 2015 and I'm back. October seems like for. eh. ver. ago, more than a year, because so much has happened for us! It is so strange and surreal to think of where we were a year ago. A year ago we were packed into a carload of stuff traveling hotel to hotel in Louisiana as Chris worked. A year ago my little Sutton had barely taken her first steps. A year ago I was stuck in a storm of negativity, fighting really hard to be happy. A lot can happen in a year. And a lot  has happened in the past year.

As a couple, and as a family, we have grown infinitely. As an individual, I have grown infinitely. I'm happy. I'm happy! Making the move to California has been one of the best decisions we have ever made. We were scared; doubling your cost of living is SCARY! But we know we won't be here forever, and we have begun to enjoy every second we can here. We laugh, and play, and go on adventures! We did these things before, in Arizona, but I think because I was struggling so hard to be happy it put a strain on all of us. I felt stuck, and like there was an ugly gray cloud always looming overhead.


Here, in California, I am learning to let go! I know I get over emotionally invested in situations and relationships very easily/quickly,  and I've begun to stop over analyzing so much. I don't need to be best friends with everyone,  I don't need to be effected by anyone else's lives, and I don't need to expect anyone to respect or consider my feelings in their decisions. I'm totally empathetic and feel all the feels vicariously, and it takes a couple deep breaths for me to mellow out and remember that not everyone thinks and sees things the way I do! And that is completely okay. Live and let live! I know that it's supposed to be a strength for me, a positive trait, I just have to figure out how to utilize it.

Mama Diaries Part 2

I don't really know when I became the jealous type, but I totally am. I notice it often lately and am struggling to control it. There are so many moments where I catch myself in envy of another moms' attitude towards her kids (in public), her self confidence, or her pricey (perfectly flattering) clothes and baby gear. Its daunting. And I hate it. I can't keep up, and honestly I don't have a huge desire to own 90% of the trendy baby crap out there- but I start to feel (foolishly) as though these fellow mamas won't want to befriend me if I'm not on par with their... trendiness. I know moms can be judgey of other moms (guilty, workin on it)- on everything from their THINGS to their parenting style.  I came across an article the other day about "competitive parenting" and I was so relieved to find myself not a lone in such ugly feelings! I mean, it's not a good thing to feel or be a part of, but it's easier to overcome the negativity when you aren't alone. Being a mother (or parent in general) is really REALLY hard, we should be encouraging other mamas. We should be confidants for one another, sincere friends, why is that so hard? We all have blessings to rejoice and trials to overcome.. Both of those are more enjoyable (or easier) when we have cheerleaders.. The more the merrier, right? I'm trying, hard, to change my mindset and be an authentically enthusiastic cheerleader for the mamas- and future mamas- around me. I can't make anyone like me or want to be my bff, but that's no reason to be cruel. It's basically a mid/end-of-the-year resolution.... That's a thing.