Losing Time

Hi, it is nearing the end of 2015 and I'm back. October seems like for. eh. ver. ago, more than a year, because so much has happened for us! It is so strange and surreal to think of where we were a year ago. A year ago we were packed into a carload of stuff traveling hotel to hotel in Louisiana as Chris worked. A year ago my little Sutton had barely taken her first steps. A year ago I was stuck in a storm of negativity, fighting really hard to be happy. A lot can happen in a year. And a lot  has happened in the past year.

As a couple, and as a family, we have grown infinitely. As an individual, I have grown infinitely. I'm happy. I'm happy! Making the move to California has been one of the best decisions we have ever made. We were scared; doubling your cost of living is SCARY! But we know we won't be here forever, and we have begun to enjoy every second we can here. We laugh, and play, and go on adventures! We did these things before, in Arizona, but I think because I was struggling so hard to be happy it put a strain on all of us. I felt stuck, and like there was an ugly gray cloud always looming overhead.


Here, in California, I am learning to let go! I know I get over emotionally invested in situations and relationships very easily/quickly,  and I've begun to stop over analyzing so much. I don't need to be best friends with everyone,  I don't need to be effected by anyone else's lives, and I don't need to expect anyone to respect or consider my feelings in their decisions. I'm totally empathetic and feel all the feels vicariously, and it takes a couple deep breaths for me to mellow out and remember that not everyone thinks and sees things the way I do! And that is completely okay. Live and let live! I know that it's supposed to be a strength for me, a positive trait, I just have to figure out how to utilize it.

Bitter Betty

Over the last year I have gone through tons of changes. While they have all been an overall benefit to my life- and therefore the lives of my family- there are many bittersweet moments. As I watched some of my friendships/relationships dissipate I see how much I have grown and I feel so grateful for even the difficult moments.. for the grief I had to endure. Being a grownup is rough, being a parent is rough, and not having a "life team" who is supportive, loyal, and understanding makes it all so incredibly difficult. You have to make decisions in times and places you never imagined you'd have to, and that sucks. It can be easy to feel defeated when it seems as though there are endless days of struggles, but it's not over. There will be worse trials, more ecstatic victories, and tears to fill in all the cracks. I love finding inspirational quotes on pinterest. I end up on some awesome blogs with free printable (beautifully designed) quotes, which is always fun. I found this one somewhere along the way and it gave me a good shove in the right direction. "The best is yet to come" also comes to mind. I'm constantly reminding myself to seek the good in others as well as myself, even at times when they seemingly don't deserve it.. or when I am racking my brain to figure out what mistakes I could've made. Believing that Heavenly Father is on your side and giving you chances to move past the negatively impacting parts of your life (whether you see them as such, or not) is a HUGE reassurance. Who doesn't love/need reassurance? |photo credit here|